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by Bill Lauritzen
The Mother of All Computers
The World’s First (and Largest) Analog Computer during the
First Computer Revolution
Power Source: Nuclear fusion reactor (sun) located at center of solar system. This power source also provides visible spectrum radiation for viewing the display, as well as gravity for moving the hardware.
Display: A Heel Stone as viewed from under a large trilithon stone.
Memory Device: Thirty 20-foot high, 25-ton stones in a circle, plus five 45-ton trilithon stones. (Add-on: outer circle of holes for solar and lunar eclipse prediction.)
Memory: 240 bytes, Pro version: 360 bytes.
Hardware: An 8,000-mile diameter, spinning, tilted sphere weighing 5,972,000,000,000,000,000,000 metric tons and going round the central power supply at the rate of once per year.
Gerald Hawkins, author of Stonehenge Decoded, calls Stonehenge a “neolithic computer.” Perhaps Stonehenge was the world’s first and largest computer. (Analog, not digital.) The trend is always toward miniaturization of computer parts. Based on this trend, we would expect the first computer to be the largest.
Stonehenge was probably a primitive calendar. By placing large stones in a certain position, it was able to store information about the date of the mid-summer solstice. Then, every year, it would automatically retrieve this information at the appropriate time. The programming involved exactly where to place the stones, which was probably done, at least initially, by observing the horizon. The hard drive was the spinning earth. The software was the large stone circle that had to be placed properly on the hard drive (Earth). The display (monitor) ingeniously used both the software and hardware as well as the heel stone.
Although many people have heard of Stonehenge, not everyone knows that many stone circles exist throughout England and Northern Europe. Here is how an advertisement might have read 4,000 years ago:
STONE CIRCLE 2.0
Tired of guessing when to plant, when to harvest? Stay competitive in today’s market! Increase your crop yield by planting at the exact right time!
Now with our new Stone Circle 2.0 you can get the exact mid-summer, mid-winter, and spring and fall equinox points to within 1 day! Guaranteed! Older models only gave to with 5 days accuracy. Hundreds of farming villages throughout Northern Europe are using it already, and have reported great success:
“Our villages had 200 pounds more yield the first year after using Stone Circle 1.0. Now we are getting another 350 pounds yield with Stone Circle 2.0”
“Since our village built a Stone Circle 2.0, it has really freed us up to think about other things. We don’t have to always be watching the sky to try and guess the date.”
“We updated from Stone Circle 1.0 a few years ago and I have noticed the difference already. We have increased confidence in our planting days and all our crops are coming in nicely.”
“Stone Circle 2.0 has unified helped to unify our village. No more bickering about which is the mid-summer day. We just go with the data it gives us and it is working.”
For a new low price of only 60 donkeys and 180 pigs* we will rush deliver the plans for Stone Circle 2.0 to your village. (New: Make your payments with “virtual” donkeys and pigs using “money” which is now sweeping all of Europe.) Guaranteed delivery within two moons. Our on-site tech support personnel will help with set up, installation, and calibration. Our new simple installation procedures (using our patented FRICTION REDUCTIONä SLEDS and our newly discovered LEVERAGE POWERä) require only 650 local men for a period of 6 moons.) We also provide one year of follow up support for any questions.
HACKER PROOF TECHNOLOGY: Old wooden circles (such as Woodhenge 5.0) were prone to destruction from hacker attacks. However, the massive weight of these stones (some at 45 tons) prevents vandals from destroying them with fire or moving them around when you are not watching and messing up your data.
ERGONOMIC DESIGN: The New Ergo Stone. Our new Heel Stone/Trilithon arrangement is ergonomically designed for easy of viewing. It’s extremely user-friendly so that the mid-summer sun rises right over the heel stone when viewed from under the trilithon.
Take the guesswork out of eclipse prediction! Keep the masses in awe of your power! Boost your religious influence!
If you already have Stone Circle 2.0 why not upgrade to the Pro version and see what a difference it makes. Here is what our customers are saying:
“Since I got the Pro version, I have had great respect from the local peasants. Last year I predicted two lunar eclipses and one partial solar. They don’t know how I do it. They think I am some sort of god.”
“The Pro version rocks! The locals built me a house and gave me two new horses after I predicted that last lunar eclipse. Boy were they impressed!”
Heel Stone, Stone Circle, Friction Reduction, and Ergo Stone are trademarks of Stone Circles.
Visit our site: STONEHENGE on the island of England.
Price: 720 sheep. Cost may be slightly higher depending upon distance to nearest quarry and local conditions. Payments may be made in lunar payments of 24 animals per moon.
** Only 85 % accuracy.
Heelstone photo courtesy CBS tv
Stonehenge b&w photos courtesy Crown Copyright, Ancient Monuments Branch